Monday, August 15, 2016

Priceless

I have been writing and publishing for just over two years. It wasn't until last summer that my writing "took off". By took off I mean I actually began to see sales or page reads on my Kindle Unlimited books. Now, I am not one of those authors who measures their success by the money they make.


No. I measure my success by how many people I can impact or connect with. Let me explain...


When I was a teenager I was in a relationship that was not healthy. The man I was with, if that is what you could call him at the time, was possessive and abusive, both physically and mentally... emotionally too, I will say. He knew just how to hurt me with a look, or a word. Sometimes the silence hurt the most. I did what I could to make him happy, to gain his acceptance, to have a day with him in which I didn't flinch or cower to the side of the truck. Where I could be with him and his friends and not be laughed at because he somehow "put me in my place".


No, it wasn't healthy. I wasn't healthy. I had suffered from an eating disorder when I was young, and it spiked its ugly head during this time. I was 16. I went to high school. I used to have friends, a lot of friends. I had a full-time job (35 hours/week) I worked after school or on the weekends. Well, when I was with 'C' I turned away from my family and friends. He was jealous, and to make him happy I cut people out of my life.


I cut my hair, because people loved it and showed me attention because of it. He hated that. So, I got rid of it.


I lost weight. I was an American size 6. I had too much of a rear end. So, I got rid of it.... thus entered my eating disorder. I lost enough weight to get down to a size 0/2.


I lost all part of myself. Who I was. My family and friends. I even dropped out of high school so I could eliminate one more thing that would put space or distance between me and 'C'.


I paid his bills. He was never able to hold down a job, so over half of my money went to him each week so he could eat while I was at work. So his truck payment was not late. So he could go out with his other girlfriends...


Oh yeah, that's right. Because I wouldn't "sleep" with him, he got it from somewhere else. Actually, he got it from many other people. One of which wrecked his car while he was fondling her... and stupidly (ignorant of his "infidelity" at the time) I paid for the repairs. Yeah... I loved him that much.


Then one day I woke up. Somehow, somewhere, my mom's words hit me. My sisters' love hit me. My brother's and my dad's words hit me, and I realized that I was better than that. I was worth more than what I was accepting.


I was me. I was a human being who was worthy of friendship, of happiness, of love.


And what I was getting, or accepting from 'C' was not friendship. It was not happiness. It was not love. It was humility. It was possession. It was control... I was under his control.


So I broke free. It hurt like hell. It hurt so much that I didn't think I was going to survive. He came around, he called, he wrote letters... and I just couldn't anymore. I made a clean break and dealt with the pain and hurt, the anger and denial without him.


I was 17 when I did that. I was 17 when I decided that no man was going to do that to me. No person was going to do that to me. No one was going to make me feel like I was not worth something. That I was not of value. That I wasn't good enough.


I was 17 when I decided that I didn't want others to feel that way either. I do not want anyone to feel that they have no one, that they are alone, that they are not good enough.


No one should ever feel that way. We are all meant to be here. Someone does love each one of us.


But, it all starts with us. We must first value ourselves. We must accept us. It is hard to do, for those who suffer from low self-esteem like I do. I fight it every day. But I also survive every day.


And so do you.


What does my story have to do with writing?


Well, my first story, Brielle, has a little... or a huge part of me in it. The main character, Brielle, is attacked (I was, once, as well. Not as violently though). I put all of my pain and experience into her character. I tried to make her coming to terms with her being good enough, of realizing she served a purpose, come across to the readers.


My other stories, mostly, are written to help inspire, to make you feel, to give you ideas of things you can do in your relationship to maybe add a little spice.


 But mostly, I write my ramblings to hopefully let you all know that you are worth something. You mean something to this world. And you are perfect just as you are. The only person you should EVER change for is yourself. First, make YOU happy. Because, one thing I have learned, when you are happy then others will see it and you may just put a smile on their face too.


Remember, you are priceless...

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Invest Yourself Wisely

I have friends who always go out of their way to help people, to support people, to encourage people. Sometimes they get some of that reciprocated, other times they don't, but they still do it because it is who they are. It is a part of them that they do not want to change.


Then there are my two boys. They are generous, kind, compassionate young men. (Currently, they are ten years old and thirteen years old.) The love people (they take after me ;)), and would go out of their way to do anything for anyone.


But, there is just one piece of advice, one thing that I would want them to remember... and you too!


Invest yourself wisely!


What do I mean?


Think of yourself as a bank account...

In the beginning of your life, you are full; rich. As you go through life, you withdraw from your account (yourself) and invest in relationships. Sometimes you get a return, when you invest in the right ones. Other times you never receive anything in return.

As you go through life, invest your time and energy in the right relationships. They will not leave you empty or drained, but will replenish you, and encourage you.

Don't end your journey broke.

Trust Wisely!

They say communication is the key to a successful relationship. Whether it be a couple, friends, business... communication is what makes it thrive.



I would have to say that trust is another one, if not the biggest one to have. You can be in business with someone you do not love. You can trust someone based on their actions without communicating with them... but you do not usually love someone wholeheartedly if you do not trust them... you do not usually want to communicate openly with someone you do not trust.



Trust is a cornerstone. When people trust you, they are relying on you and your integrity, strength - they have confidence in you. They place their hope in you, "trusting" you will not hurt them or lead them wrong.



It takes time to build that trust. It takes effort, and requires proof - a history of being able to be relied on.Teacher/student, spouses, friends, partnerships - they all require a foundation of trust so they can thrive and grow.



But trust is a very fragile thing. It can be broken in the blink of an eye. In a relationship, if a woman/man slips once, it will take years, if not forever, to prove they are trustworthy again. Sometimes, trust can be shattered to a point it can never be present again, period. Yeah, you may still talk, you may still be "friends", but nothing will ever be the same again.



Breaking trust hurts. When people tell you something and then you go behind their back and spread gossip - that hurts. When you promise one thing and then go back on your word - that will destroy trust. When you cheat on someone, or cheat them out of something? Yup... trust is gone. We are all guilty of either misplacing our trust, or of breaking our word to someone and putting a block on that trust - if not guilty of both.



I just wanted to share this with you all to encourage you to:



Trust wisely. Not everyone is worthy of it. Make them prove their integrity before placing your hope in them. Misplaced trust only leads to pain and heartache.



Hold dear those who truly place their trust in you. They will be the ones to lift you up, but once you break that trust, you may fall...don't wait until it is too late to realize that the person whose trust you broke is the one person you need. THINK before you risk shattering that "bridge of trust"



Don't do anything that would damage trust you have worked to build. Every action, every word, ends with a result. Make sure the actions you take, the words you speak, are going to get you to the end result you are hoping for.



Trust wisely!

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Be YOU

We follow their advice and try to do exactly what they are doing. Follow their guide and you could see success like they have.


We stop being who we are, and we try to become more like "them".


But, it doesn't always work. We don't have their life and we don't have their schedule. We don't have their finances, their time, etc. So, it may not work, and then we get disappointed and feel like giving up because we haven't reached THEIR goals for US!


The truth is, we just can't be them. We will never be them, and no one will ever accept YOU for being THEM. There is already a spot in the world for "them" and they have filled it. It is not vacant, it is not empty and up for grabs... so you know what? Stop trying to be them Start being YOU!

There is a spot in this world for YOU, and you are the only one who can fill it. No one else can be you the way you can.


And remember: You are a "them" to someone else. There is someone out there trying to be just like you. So, stop trying to make them think that being YOU is bad... being YOU is the only thing you will ever do perfectly in your life.


So, go out there into the world and be YOU! Accept yourself for being YOU and not being them. You are a perfect you.